A Recent Email I Received

Hello again readers.
As you may know from previous entries, I am a reciepient and avid reader of a newsletter called the "Effector". The newsletter is created and distributed by the Electronic Frontiers Foundation (www.eff.org). Today I recieved their April Fools Day edition. I found it quite humorous and thought that I'd share it with you. Remember, all of the things printed below come from EFF, I am only reproducing the newsletter and do not claim to have originated any of the humor (or writing) contained therein. I hope you enjoy it.
Here it is:

EFFector Vol. 18, No. 11.a April 1, 2005 donna@eff.org

A Publication of the Electronic Frontier Foundation
ISSN 1062-9424

In the 10,001st Issue of EFFector:

* Diebold, Choicepoint Partner to Offer Innovative Voting
Technology
* Ninth Circuit Establishes One-Point Journalist Test
in Apple Case
* RIAA Lawsuits Draw to a Close
* FCC to Adopt Narrowcast Flag Rule at MPAA, RIAA Request
* Acacia Sues Blizzard Customers for Infringement of
"Troll" Patent
* Gilmore Welcomes New Era of Trusted Computing
* MiniLinks (6): What DRM Is Good For
* Administrivia

For more information on EFF activities & alerts:


To join EFF or make an additional donation:


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member today!

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* Diebold, Choicepoint Partner to Offer Innovative Voting
Technology

Alpharetta, GA - Diebold Election Systems and Choicepoint,
Inc., today announced a joint venture that could
revolutionize the voting market. The concept is simple:
combine Diebold's demonstrated expertise in voting systems
with Choicepoint's superior data-mining techniques to
produce PredictaVote(TM) - the first 100 percent voter-free,
predictive voting system.

"The beauty of this approach is that it is self-correcting,"
explained Choicepoint CEO Derrick Sithe. "If someone
wants to increase the chances that his or her vote will
be counted correctly, the voter simply needs to open
up more of his or her life to our data-collection methods.
Apply for more credit cards. Register for more grocery
loyalty cards. Purchase more subscriptions. Fill out
more warranty cards. Compare that to today's paperless
e-voting machines, where voters have no way to determine
whether votes are accurately counted. There's really no
comparison."

Even more impressive than its accuracy is its cost-
effectiveness, say company spokespersons. PredictaVote
caps a decade of innovation and strategic thinking at
Diebold, explained Diebold President and CEO Ollie O'Sell.
"Elections have historically been ridiculously expensive
undertakings. Who's to blame? Quite simply: the
voter. Accounting for everything from allowing employees
time off to vote to ensuring the accuracy and security of
the machines, elections drain an average of $12 billion
from the American economy every year in the form of
manufacturing costs and lost productivity. With
PredictaVote, all of these problems go away with the
voter."

Company officials conceded that a number of design choices
had yet to be finalized, but emphasized that all
predictive factors were customizable on a jurisdiction-by-
jurisdiction and demographic-by-demographic basis.
Immigrants and the homeless, for example - i.e., those
without extensive credit histories - will be excluded
from final vote tallies or be subject to additional
invasive investigatory procedures, said Choicepoint's
Sithe.

"This approach seems to be working well for us in our
airport screening algorithms, and we see no reason that
it wouldn't work here."

AP article:


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* Ninth Circuit Establishes One-Point Journalist Test in
Apple Case

San Francisco, CA - The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals today
intervened in a controversial case to resolve the pressing
issue of who is entitled to California reporter's shield
laws and the reporter's privilege under the federal First
Amendment. In Apple Computer v. Zebest, the Court
determined that the Internet service provider (ISP) for
blogger Max R. Zebest cannot be forced to divulge the names
of Zebest's confidential sources for a series of articles
about forthcoming Apple products.

"Historically, the relevant question is whether the author
had the intent to use the material - sought, gathered or
received - to disseminate information to the public and
whether such intent existed at the inception of the
newsgathering process," wrote Judge Stephen S. Trott in
the opinion. "But in an era when anyone with a computer
and Internet connection can publish to the world, the
key distinguishing factor is whether the author was
wearing pants."

The Court looked to the example of blogger/journalist Jeff
Gannon, explaining, "When Mr. Gannon was lobbing softball
questions to the President on behalf of Talon News, he was
acting just like any other member of the White House press
corps and, critically, he was wearing pants. In Mr.
Gannon's other Internet publishing endeavors, however,
he did not wear pants, and his activities therefore
fall outside the boundaries of journalism."

The Court remanded the case for a determination of Mr.
Zebest's attire while carrying out research, writing,
and posting of articles revealing that the next generation
of Macintosh computers would be named "G6." Zebest's
attorney, EFF Staff Attorney Kurt Opshal, expressed
optimism for his client's chances on remand. "As the
record will clearly show, pajama pants are simply one of
many variations on the pant theme."

For this release:


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* RIAA Lawsuits Draw to a Close

Washington, DC - The Recording Industry Association of
America (RIAA) this week announced that its litigation
campaign against American filesharers will now end.
Explained RIAA President Cory Shoreman, "In short, we
sued 'em all. All 70 million, plus their parents,
grandmothers, and roommates, have been properly brought
to heel, for settlements ranging from between $3,000 and
their entire net worth."

Shoreman continued, "The only logical result is that
a properly chastened nation will now herd - peacefully,
without protest - into the local malls to purchase from
dusty, bulging shelves a dozen copies each of $18
Ashley Simpson copy-protected CDs."

"Why a dozen? Why, one CD for every RIAA-designed,
government-approved listening device, of course! And
then on top of that you've got to buy duplicates for
back-ups in case any of them get scratched."

Twirling his moustachios and straightening his top hat,
Shoreman chortled, "And they said the recording industry
would never adjust to the Internet era!"

For this release:


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~ FCC to Adopt Narrowcast Flag Rule at MPAA, RIAA Request

Washington, DC - Reacting to concerns from the music and
movie industries that many consumers do not purchase CDs
or attend movies when they've heard negative reviews in
advance, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC)
has issued a Notice of Proposed Rule Making (NPRM)
regarding the "Narrowcast Flag." The flag, to be inserted
into unencrypted spoken audio, would have to be recognized
and implemented by specialized hearing-blocking devices
to be implanted in every human ear. "Unauthorized negative
reviews have had a devastating effect on the profitability
of media," said Motion Picture Association of America
(MPAA) spokesman B.G. Mogul. "Just think about 'Troy'
or 'Battleship Earth.'"

Under the proposed rule, flag-recognition devices would
be implanted in newborns at birth. These devices would
create an annoying but non-lethal buzzing sound when
they recognized that a consumer was attempting to hear
a description or review that a studio owner had marked
as "do not redistribute." The FCC says it recognizes
the legacy problem that many currently existing consumers
will not yet have the blocking device, but says many
can be induced to "upgrade" by the promise of free movie
tickets and CDs. Further, says the MPAA's Mogul,
"those consumers will soon have aged out of our prime
target audience."

Public interest groups EFF, Public Knowledge, and the
American Library Association are already planning to
challenge FCC's jurisdiction. "We thought it was bad
when they claimed the right to regulate washing machines,
but this is Plainly absurd," said EFF's mascot,
Peppercorn the Chinchilla.

For this release:


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* Acacia Sues Blizzard Customers for Infringement of
"Troll" Patent

Newport, CA - Acacia Research Corporation announced today
that it has filed a new round of patent infringement
lawsuits against users of online technology. The suits
focus on a newly acquired Acacia patent entitled "A method
for extracting financial payment from unaware victims by
lying in wait," more commonly known as "being a troll."
Specifically, the suits target the users of Blizzard
Entertainment's popular "World of Warcraft" Massive
Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game who have chosen to
play members of the Troll race.

"Acacia has invested heavily in researching and developing
modern troll techniques. We cannot allow these lawless
rapscallions to steal our patented methods and other valuable
intellectual property," said Acacia CTO Ima Gonnaclubya.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go hide under a bridge."

In response, Blizzard has filed a countersuit against
Acacia based on violations of its "click-through" website
agreements. "If you read the 0.6 point type of Section
XXIV.A.9.f(1)(iii) of the agreement, you can clearly see
that by using your lungs to breathe while surfing the
Internet, you agree that we r00l!!1," gloated Leet Hax0r,
Blizzard Legal Overlord. "That means you're not even
*allowed* to sue us - or any of our customers, either!
LOLROTFLMAO!!"

CNET article:


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* Gilmore Welcomes New Era of Trusted Computing

San Francisco - EFF co-founder and board member John Gilmore
today announced that he will no longer use GNU/Linux
machines, and that, henceforth, he will purchase only
Microsoft software and will neither support nor be
involved with any organization that does not adopt and
immediately implement a plan to convert to Windows-only
systems.

"I've given a great deal of thought to the concept of
'trusted computing,' and I have come to realize that
computers are far too powerful tools to allow their
unfettered use," said Gilmore. "There must be a trusted,
centralized authority to closely monitor and
gently-yet-firmly control what people do with their
own computers. Otherwise, mere anarchy reigns."

Reaching down to straighten the laces of his shiny, black
square-tip oxford shoes, Gilmore added, "Besides, you
can't fight City Hall, and in the world of personal
computing and the Internet - c'mon, guys, let's face
it - Redmond is City Hall."

Gilmore spoke from San Francisco International Airport,
where he submitted to a full-body search, provided
complete documentation of his financial and medical
records, and gave blood samples for a new national
DNA database before being issued a requested "Trusted
Traveler" ID card.

For this release:


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* miniLinks
miniLinks features noteworthy news items from around the
Internet.

~ What DRM Is Good For
Preventing space aliens from getting Earth secrets
without paying:


~ Major Labels Give Artists Health Insurance
RIAA member-companies also promised matching contributions
to their musicians' 401(k) plans:


~ New Passport to Shout Personal Info at Passersby
The new "audible RFID" technology will make the documents
much easier to read by immigration officials and that
dude over there in the trench coat:


~ Ex-FCC Chairman Michael Powell Launches Pirate Radio
Station
"DJ Mic-Power" is using his newfound free time to
broadcast Post-Punk classics from a Chevy van parked
outside Commission headquarters:


~ Doctorow Sends DMCA Takedown Notice to Parody Site
Hey - whatsa matter? Even we have our limits, you
know:

(Importance Of...)

~ Siva Vaidhyanathan Fires Blog Co-Author Ann Bartow
Explains Siva, "I have asked Ann Bartow to refrain
from posting any more to Sivacracy.net. Basically,
she was detracting from the mission of this blog:
the pure and unadulterated promotion of me, Siva
Vaidhyanathan":


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* Administrivia

EFFector is published by:

The Electronic Frontier Foundation
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http://www.eff.org/

Editor:
Donna Wentworth, Web Writer/Activist
donna@eff.org

Membership & donation queries:
membership@eff.org

General EFF, legal, policy, or online resources queries:
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The links I deleted are to keep someone from changing my preferences concerning how I recieve this newsletter.
Also, remember, before you go mailing off angry letters, this is an APRIL FOOLS JOKE!!
Oh, and if you want to read the articles associated with the url's, just cut and paste them as I don't feel like editing this page's html code to make the links active.
I am Chuck and I, in the words of The Who, "...won't get fooled again."