Those Who Forget Their History...

...Are doomed to make idiotic statements before Senate committees!
Hello again everyone. I hope you are all doing well.
A bit of explanation may be needed for the title and above statement.
As you may know, if you read or watch the news, the Senate Judiciary Committee has been holding hearings on the NSA wiretapping scandal. So far the committee has been hearing testimony from Alberto Gonzales. Gonzales is the current US Attorney General.
I don't know where Gonzales grew up or went to school, but he must not have paid much attention in history class. In his testimony to the committee, Gonzales made the statement, "President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale." Hmmm, really?!!? Washington authorized electronic surveillance? When did this happen?
I have checked both my primary and secondary sources on the American Revolution, and nowhere can I find anything on Washington's electronic surveillance.
Furthermore, I am curious about how, exactly, he authorized electronic surveillance in the days before electricity and electronics existed! Did he use a Leyden jar as a power source?? Perhaps he tapped into some long forgotten work by Ben Franklin. I'd suggest that he used the principles established by Michael Faraday (concerning magnetism and electrical current generation) except that Faraday wasn't born until 1791!!
However, I have figured out that Washington could have conducted electronic surveillance, and this is how:
First, Washington had the continental army construct a HUGE Leyden jar (a type of primitive capacitor). Then, he took some old English pennies he had laying around, had them melted and drawn into copper wire. After that, and on the same fire used for the copper smelting work, he had his men make charcoal (for carbon). From there, he constructed a crude microphone using the carbon, some of the copper wire, and a magnetized nail that he once used as a primitive compass. He then ran a lead to a speaker (also made of the copper wire and carbon along with an old magnet Franklin had laying around). In the meantime, he sent his men out to a sheep pasture with a little of the wire and the Leyden jar. He had his men attach the wire to two different sheep. The men rubbed the sheep together until they had adequately charged the Leyden jar (rubbing wool against itself will generate a static charge. Think socks on a carpet. The whole process took several days and the sheep were not especially happy.) The charged Leyden jar was then returned to the camp and isolated, lest the jar discharge and kill a regiment or two. Then, when Washington was ready to conduct his electronic surveillance, he hooked the microphone to Franklin's famous kite, wired the kite to the speaker, and finally to the Leyden jar. From there he sent the kite aloft and was able to listen to the British plan their next attack. As Washington later learned, sending the microphone up on the kite was a stroke of genius as it had the side benefit of keeping the Leyden jar charged during thunderstorms! (Yes, Washington was the MacGyver of his day!)
What? What do you mean you don't believe it? The Attorney General of The United States said Washington conducted electronic surveillance before a Senate committee, and he would never lie to a Senate committee! Oh, that's right, I keep forgetting, those who forget their history are doomed to make idiotic statements before Senate committees!
I am Chuck and you may be interested to know that, according to the Bush Administration, James Madison used a Mac G5 and an iPod to decode British messages during the War of 1812!

Edited for typos 9FEB06 @ 0037hrs--C.