Well, Here They Are...Finally!
Hello again loyal readers. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling fine.
Well, you've been waiting in anticipation of this post. So here it is, my somewhat skewered, slightly looney, and fairly facetious predictions for 2006.
In reverse order (from least important to most important):
10. The Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Super Bowl (Ok, everyone run out and put down money on the Seahawks. You probably won't be wrong given my record in college bowl predictions!)
9. The New York Mets will again spend as much on payroll as the old Soviet Union did on defense, and, again, they will finish out of the playoffs
8. Congressional hearings on mining will yield the conclusion that working underground is dangerous. Thus, Congress will mandate that, from now on, all underground mining must be done on the surface to minimize the danger and maximize worker safety.
7. George W. Bush will sign an executive order stating that all non-Republicans are a threat to national security and must be spied on, harassed, fired from all public employment, and imprisoned. The order will include all public office holders from Congressmen on down.
6. The current NSA domestic spying scandal will be shown to be more widespread than originally believed. It will be shown that the NSA not only spied on innocent people, but also data mined not just some, but all internet traffic in the US. It will also be shown that they gathered damaging information on anyone who opposes The Glorious Leader (aka GW Bush) for the purposes of (at a later time) harassing, intimidating, incarcerating, and/or generally ruining the person's life.
5. Gasoline will hit $4.50 per gallon by the end of summer. Oil will not actually be in short supply. The oil companies will state that with oil in abundance, new storage facilities will need to be built, and thus, the price of gas will need to increase to pay for the new tanks. When asked for a comment, the White House will reply, "Who cares about the increased price of gas, the collapse of the economy, and the little guy! We're [the White House occupants] getting rich here and that's all that counts!"
4. While out "pressing the flesh", Vice President Dick Cheney will step into a mudpuddle and accidentally short himself out. He will spend months, not in a hospital, but in an appliance repair shop waiting on parts to come in so that he can be adequately rewired and repaired.
3. As more about the Bush/NSA spying scandal becomes public, Congress will hold hearings to determine how best to draft articles of impeachment against George W. Bush.
2. In an effort to forestall his imminent presidential demise, Bush will issue an executive order suspending Congress. He will also order troops to enforce his decree. Fortunately, the troops will refuse the order as being unconstitutional. (For his order, Bush will also be inducted into the "Petty Dictators Club" joining such infamous company as Idi Amin, Pol Pot, and Saddam Hussein.)
1. George W. Bush will be impeached. Dick Cheney will take over, but will soon resign citing health reasons. In the resulting confusion as to who is president, Alexander Haig will resurface and claim that he is in charge. (For those wondering, the Speaker of the House [J. Dennis Hastert, R-IL] would actually be the President.)
Well, there you have it, my predictions for 2006. As always, if you don't like my predictions, feel free to make up your own (heck, they might even be better than mine). Also, as with all "psychic" activities, these predictions are provided for "entertainment purposes only". And for those of you who want to know how I come up with my predictions, suffice to say the process involves sleep deprivation, staring into an empty Mt. Dew bottle, and an old head injury! (Not really, I kind of make it up as I go.)
On that note, as always, I am Chuck, and these predictions have been brought to you by the Bad Psychic Network (Remember, our motto is "I knew you were going to say something like that!")
Oh, just a reminder, comments (good, bad, indifferent) on this and any other post are always welcome. Let me know what you think folks! --C.
Well, you've been waiting in anticipation of this post. So here it is, my somewhat skewered, slightly looney, and fairly facetious predictions for 2006.
In reverse order (from least important to most important):
10. The Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Super Bowl (Ok, everyone run out and put down money on the Seahawks. You probably won't be wrong given my record in college bowl predictions!)
9. The New York Mets will again spend as much on payroll as the old Soviet Union did on defense, and, again, they will finish out of the playoffs
8. Congressional hearings on mining will yield the conclusion that working underground is dangerous. Thus, Congress will mandate that, from now on, all underground mining must be done on the surface to minimize the danger and maximize worker safety.
7. George W. Bush will sign an executive order stating that all non-Republicans are a threat to national security and must be spied on, harassed, fired from all public employment, and imprisoned. The order will include all public office holders from Congressmen on down.
6. The current NSA domestic spying scandal will be shown to be more widespread than originally believed. It will be shown that the NSA not only spied on innocent people, but also data mined not just some, but all internet traffic in the US. It will also be shown that they gathered damaging information on anyone who opposes The Glorious Leader (aka GW Bush) for the purposes of (at a later time) harassing, intimidating, incarcerating, and/or generally ruining the person's life.
5. Gasoline will hit $4.50 per gallon by the end of summer. Oil will not actually be in short supply. The oil companies will state that with oil in abundance, new storage facilities will need to be built, and thus, the price of gas will need to increase to pay for the new tanks. When asked for a comment, the White House will reply, "Who cares about the increased price of gas, the collapse of the economy, and the little guy! We're [the White House occupants] getting rich here and that's all that counts!"
4. While out "pressing the flesh", Vice President Dick Cheney will step into a mudpuddle and accidentally short himself out. He will spend months, not in a hospital, but in an appliance repair shop waiting on parts to come in so that he can be adequately rewired and repaired.
3. As more about the Bush/NSA spying scandal becomes public, Congress will hold hearings to determine how best to draft articles of impeachment against George W. Bush.
2. In an effort to forestall his imminent presidential demise, Bush will issue an executive order suspending Congress. He will also order troops to enforce his decree. Fortunately, the troops will refuse the order as being unconstitutional. (For his order, Bush will also be inducted into the "Petty Dictators Club" joining such infamous company as Idi Amin, Pol Pot, and Saddam Hussein.)
1. George W. Bush will be impeached. Dick Cheney will take over, but will soon resign citing health reasons. In the resulting confusion as to who is president, Alexander Haig will resurface and claim that he is in charge. (For those wondering, the Speaker of the House [J. Dennis Hastert, R-IL] would actually be the President.)
Well, there you have it, my predictions for 2006. As always, if you don't like my predictions, feel free to make up your own (heck, they might even be better than mine). Also, as with all "psychic" activities, these predictions are provided for "entertainment purposes only". And for those of you who want to know how I come up with my predictions, suffice to say the process involves sleep deprivation, staring into an empty Mt. Dew bottle, and an old head injury! (Not really, I kind of make it up as I go.)
On that note, as always, I am Chuck, and these predictions have been brought to you by the Bad Psychic Network (Remember, our motto is "I knew you were going to say something like that!")
Oh, just a reminder, comments (good, bad, indifferent) on this and any other post are always welcome. Let me know what you think folks! --C.
posted by Chuck | 01:20
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