Happy Holidays To Everyone

Hello again readers. I hope everyone is doing well.
Well, it is December 23rd and there is one official shopping day left until Christmas. So, those of you who are waiting until the last minute have one day to get to the malls and stores, then you're up the creek. Of course, if you do head to the local Walmart, make sure to leave plenty of time to get there as it will take you an hour to make a trip that, under any other circumstances, would take you 5 minutes. Be sure to use plenty of caution as the people around you on the highway, who have made the same trip a hundred times before and are usually reasonably intelligent, are now driving like drunken brain-dead blind crack addicted tourists. When you get to the Walmart, please note that in 47 states it is now apparently legal to use your vehicle as an offensive weapon while in the act of hunting for a parking space. Grandma got run over by a reindeer? No, grandma got run over in the Walmart parking lot by a Dodge pickup truck driven by a guy with no teeth who was leaning out the window yelling, "It's got a hemi!!" Once you find out parking space, be sure to have on your good walking shoes as you will have to walk the 7 miles from your space to the front doors (Walmart doesn't run shuttles). When you finally get inside the doors, be sure to take out your baseball bat and commence your holiday shopping. Try to avoid the electronics department as they are setting up for this evening's three round brawl to see who gets the last PS3. (If you wish to see the fight, tickets are free with a $20 purchase. Get them at the customer service desk.) After selecting your cheap Chinese merchandise, proceed to the checkout. I usually try to select a line with 47 people or less. While in line take in all the joys of holiday shopping, the sights (the guy with the crossed eyes and no teeth who is staring at you [maybe, who can tell!]), the sounds (the screaming kid who will NOT shut up, even though he is 17), and the smells (the guy in front of you who smells like a combination of B.O. and bad meat [or good cheese]). Also, enjoy the fact that the line is moving at the speed of a frozen snail in January. When you finally do get to the checker, it is inevitable that the guy in front of you will attempt to pay with one of his 17 credit cards. It is also inevitable that 16 of his cards will be maxed out (and therefore be rejected). Of course he will have to try all of them before getting to the non-maxed card. I say don't get stressed by this, make it a game. Make small wagers with the people behind you as to which card will eventually be accepted. When you do get checked through, try to make the check out person have a stroke. I like to do this by paying cash and by offering unusual cash combinations. For example, I recently went to Walmart and had a final total of $14.19. I told the checker, "I'll make it easy for you" and gave her $15.24. It was rather fun to watch her brain crash as she tried to figure the change. After checking out, make you way to your car (you can usually hire a Sherpa to help guide you back to your parking space and carry your packages). When you leave, remember that Warp 9 is an acceptable speed for exiting the lot. A bit of holiday advice, if you purchased anything that requires you to put it together, stop at the local liquor store as you will definitely need it. Once home, my advice for wrapping your gifts is to use a normal amount of paper, but use enough tape that the person receiving the gift will have to use a plasma cutter in order to open it. Put your gifts under the tree. Then, on Christmas morning, enjoy the wonder in your kid's eyes as they open that hard gotten, expensive gift, set it aside, and play in the box!!!
Hey, I'm just goofing. All in good fun. This author wants to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday. Remember not to drink and drive. And let's try not to kill each other...at least for one day out of the year, anyway. Happy Holidays!
As always I am Chuck and this has been my rant.

Here It Comes...

Hello again readers. I hope everyone is well.
It has been a while since my last post. First, I would like to thank everyone who has visited lately, you really pumped up my hit rate!
Secondly, it is time to return to this blog's theme, politics. With that in mind, on with the show.
Today, the Bush administration announced that it plans on expanding the size of the US military. Ostensibly, this expansion would be to deal with the long term problems associated with the war on terrorism. In reality, it is the Bush Administration's trial balloon for something people have been predicting since the beginning of the war in Iraq, namely the draft. With no specifics on how the Administration plans on expanding our military, with experienced military personnel leaving in droves, and with people avoiding recruiting offices, only one logical conclusion is left as to how the Pentagon will meet its expansion goals. That conclusion is that they will extend all enlistments indefinitely and they will attempt to institute the draft.
I oppose the draft as it tends to degrade the quality of your force. It has been shown time and time again that an all volunteer force tends to yield a better quality soldier. By a better quality soldier, I mean a soldier who is smarter, more dedicated to serving, and is more satisfied in his job. If the Pentagon is smart, they will attempt to expand the military by offering more incentives. The incentives should be too good to resist. Might I suggest, higher enlistment bonuses, FREE (not partially paid) college educations (at the college of the soldier's choice), free health care at the provider of the soldier's choice (not just the VA), and available low or no interest housing loans and the like. These are only a few suggestions, and, surprise, surprise, they are not new. These are the type of things provided for in the post-World War 2 GI Bill. However, if it is a choice between treating our soldiers right by helping to boost their position in life with a new GI Bill or instituting the draft so that the poor can fight the war for the rich (and then get treated like dirt by the rich upon their [the poor's] return), you can probably guess which the Bush Administration will choose (and no, it won't be the GI Bill option).
So, if you are between 18 and 42, have a legally required Selective Service card, and aren't dead, the US government may have a job for you...as cannon fodder.
I am Chuck and this has been my rant.

Not So Breaking News...Disaster Strikes Home Update...

Hello again readers. Your on the spot reporter has just returned from inspecting the damage from a tornado in Halifax, PA and here is my updated report:

(Dec. 3, 2006)---Halifax, PA. A tornado struck 1.5 miles south of the central PA town of Halifax on Friday. The tornado left a path of destruction in it wake now estimated at approximately $2.5 million dollars. The tornado struck at approximately 4:15-4:30 pm. The storm is being classified as an strong "F1" tornado with sustained wind speed approaching 112 mph. The tornado damaged several business in the area, some quite severely. The businesses most affected were Accumold and Patton Tire. Accumold estimates their damage at approximately $1.3 million, while Patton Tire is estimating damages at approximately $500,000. Apart from the businesses damaged, several dozen houses were also damaged by the twister. An estimate of the residential damages comes to approx. $700,000.
The storm was responsible for one death. A woman police are now identifying as Wanda Duplassie (sp?), age 50 of Millersburg, was killed when a tree fell on the car she was driving. Fire crews took several hours to extract the woman from her car due to the size of the tree. There are no reports or estimates of other injuries at this time.
The tornado also left hundreds without electricity and telephone service. As temperatures dropped into the 30's following the storm, utility crews rushed to restore electrical service to the area, and local emergency officials scrambled to set up emergency shelters. Two shelters were set up to handle local residents, one at the Halifax Fire House and one at the Halifax Township Municiple Building. As of the time of this report, both phone and electrical services have been restore to most of the affected area.
Officials expect the clean up of the area to take several days. The rebuilding of the area is expected to take several weeks to several months with at least one business, Accumold, closed indefinitely.
Police are still asking people to avoid the area if possible. If you must travel through the area, they are advising people to exercise caution and expect delays. [End of report]

I managed to travel into the affected area yesterday (Dec 2) afternoon. After parking in the Giant grocery store parking lot, I walked few hundred yards south to the area between Accumold and Sheetz. As I walked, I passed several utility crews working on the telephone lines and a lot of house that were missing shingles. Several of the houses also had trees down in the front yard. As I got up to Accumold, things got worse. Accumold is destroyed. The Community Banks building doesn't look bad until you notice that the large billboard that stood next to it is now in the parking lot wrapped around the bank sign. Lisi's Shell no longer has a roof over the carwash, it no longer has a sign, and it looked like it no longer has several of its windows. The houses behind the old Treat parking lot were playing host to several downed trees and a great deal of roofing material. The roofing material apparently came from the large canopy-style roof at Patton Tires. While Patton Tires is still there, its canopy roof is not. The coffee shop to just to the north of Patton's was missing siding and had what looked to be a pretty sizable hole in the side of the building. Sheetz sustained some minor damage to the canopy above the gas pumps and also to the small canopy around the store. According to the reports I received from various sources, the area behind Accumold and Community Banks was pretty severely damaged with the worst damage being a tree that fell down and split a house in two. There was also a report of a small wooden utility shed that was blown into a tree. According to the report, the shed was sitting in the tree apparently undamaged, but approximately 15-20 feet above the ground! Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed to venture back that way by an overzealous, underintelligent, fire cop. Apparently she thought that the downed telephone lines were just to dangerous to be around. Go figure. I did manage to take 25 pictures of the damage. The photos can be found at--- http://new.photos.yahoo.com/halifaxtornado
Well, that about does it for me. I will post any updates to this story as I get them.
Until then, I am Chuck, and this has been your on the spot report.

P.S. If anyone from Halifax is reading this and you have more information or spot an inaccuracy, please let me know by leaving a comment. Thanks.

Breaking News...Disaster Strikes Home...

Hello again everyone. Not to be rude, but right to the story.
(Dec. 2, 2006)---Halifax, PA. A tornado struck the area just outside of the small central Pennsylvania town of Halifax, yesterday afternoon. According to witnesses, a funnel cloud was sighted at approx. 5 pm just south of town. According to reports, the area sustained heavy damage, with numerous building destroyed. There has been one confirmed death. An unidentified woman was killed when a large tree was blown onto the car she was in. The National Weather Service has not yet categorized the tornado. A state of emergency has been declared for the northern section of Dauphin County, police are asking that people restrict their travel in and around the Halifax area as to aid emergency personnel with the clean up.[End report]

I will report more as I get the information. Right now, I am off to see the damage myself. Stay tuned for updates as the day progresses. --Chuck.